hysterectomy

on tuesday, july 3rd i will have a complete hysterectomy
i say "complete", because little did i know they can actually do a partial
where they only take out some "parts", but i'm losing everything

losing all of my girl parts at 37 years old is not exactly what i had planned for those things

i didn't even get a chance to try them out...you know to see how it would feel to carry a baby in my womb

 but, just like that, it will be gone

and there will be no chance of any babies coming from my eggs:(

but, sadness is not an emotion i will choose to have about this

because God chose to send me down a different path to experience motherhood
and i'm so thankful his timing is perfect because he allowed me to experience adoption and motherhood before the reality of this surgery came to fruition

and i can honestly say that the day i became molly's mom i felt 100% fulfilled in the motherhood department

and so if God chooses to grow my family at any point in the future i know it will also be through adoption

honestly i would never have been ok with having a hysterectomy at this age if my adoption process were not complete.

i know of so many women who struggle with infertility because of endo

and my dr. is pretty sure that if i were married and trying to get pregnant, it would be a huge struggle for me

so, i can only look at it all as a huge blessing that God carved out this special journey for me to adopt

because i do know that if i were married and trying to get pregnant and couldn't, what a huge heartbreak it would be for me

but, as it is now, it's a heartbreak that never had to happen:)

i first discovered i had a real problem 2 years ago and i blogged about it here

my obgyn discovered stage IV endometriosis, which basically means endo is growing fast and furious everywhere inside my abdomen

well, 2 years ago i had also just returned home from china and didn't really have the time or energy to think about having surgery

i didn't like the possible side effects of the treatment options so i decided just to tolerate the pain and get settled in with my new life as a mom and then decide what to do later

apparently i have a high tolerance for pain:)

and so now we've come to "later" and honestly i'm so relieved that it's here

just knowing that something inside your body is not "behaving" like it should is a bit unnerving

i know i have adhesions  to some organs like the bladder, bowel, intestines, maybe more?

hopefully they will be able to remove all or most of them easily without damaging anything.

i'm really hoping to feel so much better after healing from surgery and i am looking forward to that!

it will be an adjustment for sure, i'm concerned about going into menopause at 37 years old but am hopeful it will be ok...

the surgery will include  (for those interested) the removal of my cervix, uterus, tubes, ovaries (one is diseased), and i'm also getting a "bladder sling"...fun times:)

the plan is to do the surgery laproscopically at 7:00 a.m. and i could possibly come home the same day...it depends.

pleases pray that everything goes smoothly and as planned for me on tuesday.  i'm not nervous about the surgery as much, but about them finding something else wrong once they begin.  this fear comes from the fact that my 33 year old cousin went in for what we thought would be a hysterectomy and came out with a diagnosis of stomach cancer and 6 months to live.  while i DO NOT have any kind of symptoms that mirror hers, it is still a fear.  i think this day and time we all have a fear of cancer in the back of our minds, so that is pretty normal.

pray for the adhesions to be removed easily, for recovery to be smooth, and for me to transition into menopause as easy as possible.  thank you all so much!

i will post about my surgery and recovery on the other side...

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hysterectomy