finally...

i guess you could say my 'labor pains' started yesterday!  i can't give too much information about her just yet, but around 1:30 on Wednesday afternoon my secretary called my classroom and said "Melissa from America World is on the phone and she says it is an emergency"...."put her through!", I said.  They had a new file for me to review and she wanted to know if I was interested.  After my emotional reviewing experience from two weeks ago i was a bit hesitant, but from her descriptions this little girl had much more minor needs than the girl I had reviewed before.  i opened her file and saw her pictures and thought she was adorable.  i kept my heart really guarded this time (if you remember from last time i immediately burst into tears)!  however this time i was eerily calm.  probably because i had a classroom of 21 kiddos staring at me, but i digress. 

i immediately showed her pictures to my teammates who all thought she was cute and agreed her special need seemed minor.  So I emailed two doctors and left school a few minutes early to show mom...the ultimate deciding factor because she keeps me grounded and realistic in what I will be able to handle and what may be too much.  (I need to have somebody to keep me grounded in this process...I guess it's similar to what a wife would turn to her husband for in this process.  a little confirmation goes a long way) 

I wanted this little girl to be molly so badly because i honestly cannot stand to look at any more files of orphans and "reject" them.  This is my sixth file to look at since October.  I'm beginning to feel like I have a complex and can't commit to any child.  Mom felt good about her review, but wanted to hear back from doctors to be sure we weren't missing anything.  I went home and heard back from both doctors within a few hours.  In between time I talked to my friend Candace who is the ultimate optimist about my adoption and tells me basically that I can handle anything.  My #1 cheerleader.  The truth is I don't feel like I can handle anything.  A lot of things scare me.  But I feel like I can handle this.  I'm feeling strong, confident, and oddly emotionally stable...all during the biggest decision of my life!  Ambre, my sister comes over with the kids to look at things .  She is a PA (Physicians Assistant) and of course mother to two.  I trust her opinion and advice...even though she was also a lot like Candace in the past and ready for me to accept much more severe special needs than this!   She looks, reads, and studies this little one's file and gives me a 2 thumbs up! 

Around 7:00 p.m., about 6 hours after I first saw her face, I'm beginning to think this could be it....WHY AM I STILL SO CALM???  Mom comes over with dinner, we talk and try to discuss all possible future needs (like surgeries, therapies, etc.) and she is still feeling good about this.  Even though it's impossible to know what the future will entail, it makes me feel better to have at least discussed the possibilities beforehand.  I emailed my agency around 9:00 p.m. and told them I did want to pursue adopting this little girl.  Later today I will do more paperwork and work towards making it official.  It's a big day.

Here are the details I know you are waiting for...
1.  she is beautiful!
2.  DOB 9/19/2008
3.  she has a finger and toe deformity

I can't post any pictures for a while.  I have to have official word from China that they will approve me to adopt her.  Basically she is missing a few fingers and one toe.  The odd thing about this whole process is that I really feel like God was preparing me for a child with a 'limb difference' all along.  Three of the files I've reviewed had children with hand and foot deformities.  The other two before this were very major.  In the process of reviewing those files I learned a lot about this special need.  Like the fact that all you need for your hand to function is a thumb and one finger.  So after the last review two weeks ago, I told mom and many friends...if I could just see a child with a more minor hand/finger difference I would be more confident.  If she just had 5 fingers....and this little one has exactly 5 perfect fingers.  Several others are 'half fingers' and a couple are missing.  But on each hand she has a thumb and pointer finger that are perfect!  That is all she really needs.   With the feet I said (after reviewing and learning from the previous two) that if she just had all of her feet 'bones' and I knew for sure she could walk I would be more confident.  Well, she has two complete feet and is only missing one toe on one foot.  Completely manageable!  Honestly, I felt like God was telling me yesterday....here she is.  Now, will you be faithful?  This is exactly what you asked for. 

Walking through the special needs journey is difficult at times.  Every mother wants her child to be perfect and healthy.  I want that too.  But, I think after you see so many needs of children all over the world your perspective of what is perfect changes.  God slowly changes you.  He prepared me for this.  He "eased" me into it.  The bottom line is  I think she is perfect for me.  And that is all that really matters. 

It's premature to discuss now, but the only surgery I can foresee at this point is one to separate two fingers that appear to be fused together.  There may be something more than needs to be done to her feet, but probably not.  I have so many more details to share with you.  But I've got to get ready for my school day!  Keep checking on me and I'll keep you updated!

Molly is coming home!

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finally...